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23 September 2006 @ 10:44 pm
Sharing, etc.  
OK, OK, so I know that it's early for sharing according to all the books, blah blah. But c'mon, gals, we have twins. This isn't about playing at a playdate. This is about keeping my daughters from beating the crap out of each other over stupid things. >.<

OK, it's not that bad. Most of the time. But seriously, they will fight over anything, and the distraction tactic just isn't working anymore. Whoever loses will have a complete and utter meltdown. This is really wearing on me. What did you gals do about it?

PS: No discernable words save "mama" at 17 months. Worry or no?
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Cowgirl Lady Worker: myguysphenway on September 24th, 2006 05:06 am (UTC)
Funny, I asked that on a mommy podcast earlier this summer! The parenting advice expert gave advice that was not hugely inspired (I was asking for twin-specific advice and she did not give me that), but it's worked a few times. She advised to either A) put the toy in time-out, or B) give them lots of multi-part toys (so, a ton of crayons, not two markers, or one of those huge bags of blocks. I am also guilty of buying two of the same thing, even if we're just talking about two of those plastic pumpkins with handles to carry out trick-or-treating.

As for the few words at 17M, have you mentioned it to your ped? Our ped referred us to an EIP (Early Intervention Program) when we expressed concerns about his hatred of tummy time, and the EIP evaluated him and found he was eligible for state-provided services. He saw a gross motor specialist for about seven or eight months before she pronounced him caught up...but then we requested a speech evaluation at 15M and it turned out he was then at a 3-6M level for speech. He's been in speech therapy ever since (nearly a year) and is now at an 18M level (he's nearly 27M), so he is making progress. Anyhow, this is all to say that I firmly believe it can't do any harm to mention the language development concerns to the ped (you probably have a well-baby checkup soon, right?) and request an eval through the EIP. But don't worry too much because you never know, maybe they'll start yammering non-stop en route to the evaluation. ;)
Cowgirl Lady Worker: twinmamaphenway on September 24th, 2006 05:08 am (UTC)
the "him" in the EIP para is Alexander, btw. Darn this no-editing comments thing!
cbiggerscbiggers on September 24th, 2006 12:51 pm (UTC)
Our girls are a little older, 22 months, but I feel your pain. It's such a tough thing to figure out. When you do, let me know! LOL!

At first, our ped was very insistent that we let them figure things out for themselves. That they have to learn each other's boundaries, etc. But, that wasn't working for us. Caroline was being a huge bully and we really did need to intervene.

So, now we pick our battles. Oh, and we also buy two of a lot of things!!!!!!! If it's a toy, we'll tell the one that wants it that they have to wait until their sister is finished playing, try to distract her with another toy. Then we'll encourage the girl that has it to share with her sister. We don't do this with everything, but if it's going to come to blows, we'll usually step in.

Sometimes, I think they do need to figure it out on their own. I mean, it's not like one or the other is going away any time soon. But, we also didn't want one to become so submissive to the other. It's frustrating and challenging and resulted in tears for 20 minutes yesterday in the car when Isabel wouldn't share with Caroline. I'm afraid it doesn't go away! But, you can start teaching them share. Surprisingly, our girls have really gotten the concept and are fairly good at sharing! Hang in there!!!!
Sarasunmoonstars75 on September 24th, 2006 05:25 pm (UTC)
We are also big pick your battles kind of people. MOst of the time they are good - the scream after losing the toy, short-lived. But, as I write this, the popper is on the fridge, DH took away on Friday, and hasn't released it yet. I also try to redirect as much as possible, and like Phen mentioned have a few lotso toys - we have a ton of Little People animals they love to play with and an alphabet set of Peek a Blocks.

Speech - the girls aren't saying too much, but signing a ton, and the words they say are clear (hi, mama, dada, etc.), so our ped said he isn't going to worry about it until their 2 yr WBV. In the meantime, he said to narrate everything, and point out lots of objects, things we already try to do, but now we are making a more conscious effort about it. His response soothed me a little bit, but I think if they aren't speaking more by 21 months, I might call again, or call the insurance and see if there is someone we can go see.
mrsbludmrsblud on September 24th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
My guys aren't saying a whole lot either - they are 21 months and have words

bye, mum, dad, bike, finished, gone, more, mine, go, see ya, yes, no

Mmmmm there must be more but that's all I can think of.

No idea what to do re sharing - I'm trying to teach them - but hey if one has a toy the other has to have it!
b0nkey on January 23rd, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
I would start worrying around 24 months if their vocab hasn't really blossomed yet. Someone mentioned EI and I will second that.
Unless my kids are beating the crap out of each other I will let them work it out. Once I step in, I am putting someone in time out (for 1 minute) and making them apologize when they get out. I will take the toy causing the problem away.